Isn’t it curious how things happen? Sometimes we understand, while other times we can just trust that God is good and He loves us.
About a year ago, just another day really, I was headed to meet a friend for breakfast at 9am. Not terribly early, and not just like any other day if you want to be literal seeing as I rarely, if ever, meet people for breakfast.
The GPS suggested a new route and being the adventurous gal that I am, I took it. Unfortunately, the GPS didn’t warn of sugar sand, and I didn’t think of it in time. Curious how things are. If I had had a hint of danger I would never have taken that road. I certainly like to be adventurous but not foolish.
The vehicle hit the sugar sand and pulled terribly. I did my best to slow down and stop but I couldn’t seem to. I crashed. A friend referred to it as terrifying, that about sums it up. The vehicle was totaled and I couldn’t wrap my mind around what had happened.
I opened the door, the door that I was later told they didn’t know how I could have gotten it opened. The vehicle had filled with off gas from the airbag and dust and I was having a hard time breathing. I got out and stood by the vehicle, trying to make sense of the situation. Out on a back road with no one nearby.
Only sugar sand and the trees.
I noticed a vehicle or two drive by way far down the road, but they didn’t notice me and I certainly didn’t have the energy to try to get their attention. I felt terrible. Terrible that I had wrecked. Terrible that I had broken the vehicle. But grateful I could still walk. I knew then and I know now God has a purpose for everything. And even when we don’t get it, we have a real opportunity to practice faith.
As I stood there, my head spinning, I knew I had to call for help. I prayed I was within cell service, as some areas around here have little to no service. As I dialed my Dad’s number, I realized it was hard to see. My face had been protected by the airbag and my glasses had hit my eyes. I knew panicking really wouldn’t help things so I did my best to use my phone without looking at it directly. Thankfully, I was within cell service and after making sure I was okay, he said he would be there as soon as he could.
Honestly, I didn’t want to tell this story. It is a hard one to tell. I feel like it highlights my faults and my weaknesses. But that’s not the point. If I look past myself, I see God. God protected me in an incredible way that day. He showed me love and care, not only in who He is, but the way my family helped me and loved on me. No blame, no frustration, just tender love.
I think that has been one of the lowest times in my life.
I’ve wondered a hundred times why I didn’t think of the sugar sand that I hated to drive in in Florida. No, I just thought of our hard, lime rock sand roads near our old home and thought “no big deal”. Let me tell you, sugar sand is a big deal.
I hope my sharing this helps you in some way. Look to God, know that He works all things for our very best. He is never surprised and certainly knows what He is doing. And He is a good, good Father.
The weeks that followed that day were hard. My emotions were all over the place. Whatever confidence that I had developed in life seemed gone. I felt vulnerable and a failure. I didn’t want to drive – for about the first time in a decade. Driving had been my happy place before then. Feeling a bit out of sorts? Take a drive. Want to think something out? Drive. Just headed out? Drive! It really was my favorite.
Then suddenly, I was so scared of it.
I really didn’t even want to ride anywhere. Not that I thought anyone else was going to wreck, just the feeling of riding and passing the trees by the road was hard to sit through. But little by little, God has helped heal me of these fears. He has helped me push past them. Not because I waited until I felt ready, but because I didn’t want to become solely dependent on my family to chauffeur me around. They were wonderful and kind and so gentle, and I will forever be so grateful for them!
As I looked at the situation, not from my perspective but like an outsider looking in, I began to see baby steps to take. I didn’t want my story to be plagued by my wreck, but rather to be propelled by it. …Although if I can be perfectly honest here, I’d really rather it just go unknown, from a pride / should’ve been smarter / destroyed someone else’s property stand point. But again, if I look past myself, I see God and my family, and their love and faithfulness can’t go overlooked.
Perhaps you’ve been through something similar.
Cling to God and His love, and know that it takes time to heal. Accept grace and forgiveness. His mercies are new every single morning. Even at 9am on the way to breakfast via a sugar sand road.
Until Next Time,
Hope.